Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Unfulfilled

So I've been thinking a lot lately about how unfulfilled I feel on a particular level.  You see, I am a software engineer in my day job.  I absolutely love what I do, aside from the fact that being tied to my desk everyday is slowly killing me.  I do try to get up and walk around the office more, and take a quick walk at lunch.  We are on the fifth floor of our building and I take the stairs every morning.  I even sometimes go down to the first floor bathroom so that I can make the long climb back up and get the blood flowing.  That's a different issue though.

The reason for my feeling this way is that each task I'm assigned at work is based on someone else's idea.  That is fine, and it keeps me busy, but the freedom for creativity is somewhat constrained by what our product needs to do and has a certain look and feel to it.  On one hand this is good and provides me with steady work, so I am by no means bored.  I just get jealous when I read story after story online about this or that person having some great idea and developing the next "must have" app.  It is a dreamer's mentality that I simply do not possess.  I guess we all secretly want what we don't have.  I just wish sometimes I could get that one idea that I could sort of mold and create something real out of it.  I'm not naive to realize that creating an application is not time consuming and that is nearly impossible with three kids that need tending. Anytime I do try to think of some problem that needs to be solved, I quickly punch holes in it and dismiss it as a possibility.

I guess I should be happy that I have a solid job that I love and am able to contribute to an organization's bottom line in a very tangible way.  It is just that sometimes, I wish I was my own man with nobody to answer to and coding away on some application that I truly believed in and was my baby.  KWIM?  Maybe I'll just stick to brewing beer for now as a creative outlet.